


I Hate To Let You Down

by storybrooke_clique



Series: If It's Okay, A Little Grace Would Be Appreciated [2]
Category: Paramore
Genre: F/F, Hayley centered, Hayley's dad is kinda mean, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It has an okay ending though, Negative Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 14:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11233341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storybrooke_clique/pseuds/storybrooke_clique
Summary: Continuation of "If I's You, I'd Run From Me". Hayley gets a phone call from her dad. He is a little less than pleased. Angst ensues. But Momma Williams is there to make it all better. Kinda. If you can't tell, I'm bad at summaries. Enjoy!(?)





	I Hate To Let You Down

**Author's Note:**

> Yoooo this is a continuation of my last paramore fic, bc you know, its a series. There's not as much homophobic language in this one, but still be careful if you're triggered by that. Also very very very tiny moment of mentioning self-harm because I love angst. I think I recall Hayley saying she favored her dad more than her mom, but I'm kinda basing this off of personal experience so sorry if that throws you off. Title taken from the song "Idle Worship" off of the album "After Laughter" by Paramore. I don't own any of these characters. They are real people. Do not sue me. Plz. Lastly, thanks for reading my crappy stuff. Enjoy!

It had been one day.

How could someone’s whole life fall apart in one day?

Apparently Hayley’s life could.

If it hadn't been for that one diary entry, that one damn page, her life would've stayed the same. It would've been great.

But now everyone on this bus knew that Hayley was something else than straight and most people hated her for it. Everybody either hated her, felt sympathy for her or were just confused. And they were on a bus so it's not like Hayley could drive away from all this and cry in the comfort of her own home. The most privacy she could get was her bunk or the bathroom. And those weren't very private.

She would have to play shows with these people. She would have to go on stage and bounce around and be fake happy and interact with the boys as if nothing ever happened. She would have to sing songs about believing in God, but with everything that's been going on, she's not so sure he exists anymore. If he does, He doesn't give a damn about her that's for sure.

Some people had been understanding. Taylor’s cousin was gay so Taylor understood and constantly reminded her that she was perfect just the way she was, no matter what other people said about her. Jeremy was at least trying to understand, and that's all she could ask for. Josh on the other hand wouldn't talk to her and always gave her a death glare whenever they were near each other. Which wasn't often. Zac loved Hayley, but family always comes first and Hayley had ripped Josh to pieces. So, he wasn't so sure how to feel about her. 

It's not like Hayley hated Josh for being mean to her. They were dating for two years which is a long time for teenagers. They were happy, and he had sacrificed some major stuff for her. So when Josh found out what Hayley was doing, no wonder he exploded. Hayley was poison seeping into his veins, and all Josh was trying to do is fight against it. She completely understood that. It just...hurt.

Word had spread around the bus, and so everybody started looking at her weird. The crew did try to keep it under wraps by whispering stuff like “Did you hear…” or “Can you imagine...” but frankly, whispering did nothing on a bus where you could hear someone's conversation 4 rooms down from where you were. 

So, needless to say things were ultra tense on the bus. Everybody resorted to staying in their bunks as much as possible. Taylor had tried initiate a band meeting to get everyone to talk about it, but Josh just exploded again and eventually everybody got tired of hearing his screams, whether they were true or not.

So here Hayley sat, in her bunk, listening to sad Emo depressing music. Now you might say “Hayley! You can't be one of those stereotypical girls in those stereotypical movies who cries her eyes out and plugs in sad music! I've been through hard times and I never did that!” Hmm, you say you were really hurting? At least you were feeling something. Hayley was just...numb. So, she thought being sad and crying and mellow was better than not feeling anything at all. So that's why she was currently listening to And The Snakes Start To Sing by Bring Me The Horizon. (A/N Yes I know it wasn't out then, but just bear with me the song means a lot to me) 

I’ve lost the plot again  
Tell your friends to sharpen their teeth  
There's a few quid to be made  
And my soul’s a sorry stage…

Hayley was getting ready to whisper the next line, when her phone rang. 

She snapped out of her pity party and looked at the name on the screen. When she saw the familiar wide grin and stubble on the screen, she sighed out of relief. Finally, someone who she could talk to without wanting to rip her hair out. 

“Hey dad!” Hayley squealed as she sat up (as much as she could in the bunks). “How ya doin’?”

“Hayley. Nichole. Williams.” Her dad deadpanned, “What the hell?”

Hayley managed to get out a nervous chuckle before slowly asking, “What? What did I do?”

“Hayley, don't play dumb with me!” Her dad screamed into the phone, “Josh called me and told me about your...predicament.”

Oh, God. She was really starting to get pissed at Josh. That was her personal business, it's not his right to go around saying “Hey everyone! Hayley's not straight!” Especially not her dad.

“Oh.” Was all Hayley got out.

“Oh? Hayley you're gonna need to do a lot more explaining than that. I-I raised you to be holy and love God, how could you do this?”

“It's not your fault this happened and I still love God.” Hayley said, trying not to notice how the bus seemed to be getting quieter. 

“You obviously don't love God if you're being a sinner with no remorse about it.” Her dad retorted.

Hayley was really getting tired of people calling her that. And shoving words in her mouth.

“Dad I have remorse. You think I wanted this? Knowing how pissed everyone would get at me? Knowing that I'd be going against everything I had ever been raised on? This isn't something I want Dad! If I could choose not to be whatever this is, of course I would!” Hayley exclaimed.

“Then why don't you just stop, huh? Why don't you quit your filthy homosexual life?” Her dad spat at her.

“Because I can't, dad. This isn't a choice I made, it just happened! Joy makes me happy. And God made me like this so-”

“Don't you pull that BS on me, Nichole! You're going against God and I can't even imagine what will happen to you when-”

Her dad’s rant was cut short by some commotion in the background. There was a lot of chattering and you could hear Hayley's dad arguing with someone. The phone was crackling and Hayley was getting ready to hang up the phone, when another voice came on the phone.

“Hayles?” Her mom whispered her childhood nickname.

“Hey, mom.” Hayley said monotone. It's not that she was bored or indifferent. She was actually quite sad but she forced herself to become numb so her heart could recover a little easier. If you don't feel hope in the first place, it's easier when something you love gets ripped away from you, right?

“Oh, Hayley,” her mom said sympathetically, “I-I’m sorry about your dad, y’know how he gets sometimes the old rascal.” Her mom laughed nervously. 

“Yeah,” Hayley chuckled, but it was a dry laugh. She felt nothing.

After some more uncomfortable silence between the two, her mom spoke up.

“Look, Hayley. I just wanted to say I'm not mad at you.” 

“Huh?” Hayley said, not sure if she heard her mom right.

“I'm not mad at you, sweetie! I could never be mad at you, you'll always be my little Hayles.” 

“But...I'm not straight.” Hayley said plainly.

Her mom sighed. “Yes, I know that.” Her mom smacked her lips together, repeatedly, like she was thinking of something to say. Then she said, “Well, does she make you happy?”

“Who?”

“This girl that you're with. What's her name?”

“Oh!” Hayley piped up, “Joy. Her name is Joy.”

“And does Joy make you happy?”

“More than anything.” Hayley said with a smile.

Her mom chuckled again. It was a habit of hers. “Then who am I to dictate your happiness? You're a grown woman now Hayley, I can't keep telling you what's right and wrong. Now I don't know if I support this, but that doesn't mean I won't love you through it. You're my daughter, Hayles. And you always will be. Whether you're straight or bent or crooked.”

Hayley laughed at that. But it wasn't a dry laugh this time. It was filled with glee.

“Thanks mom. You always know what to say.” 

“Of course, baby.” Her mom said. Then after a few more moments she said, “Well let me go deal with the wreck of a human that is your father. I'll call you later.”

“Okay, mom. Thank you so much.”

“I'm a momma. I gotta spread the love.”

The two of them laughed. And it wasn't nervous or uncomfortable, it was just a laugh. A genuine laugh.

“Ok, bye momma.”

“Wait, Hayley?” Her mom asked.

“Ya?”

Hayley listened for more, but there was silence on the other end of the phone. She was getting ready to hang up when her mom spoke up.

“I know that this must be a hard time for you with everybody y’know yelling at you, which is totally mean by the way, and I bet it doesn't feel too good and umm what you used to do a couple years ago when you weren't feeling too good?”

Hayley nodded on the other end of the phone, understanding what her mom meant. She still had the little white lines crawling up her arm from those dark days.

“Yeah?” Hayley whispered.

“Don't do that, girlie. You're better than that, no matter what anyone else thinks.”

“I won't,” Hayley said.

“I'm serious, Hayley. Don't you dare even think about it.”

“I won't momma, I promise. God knows if Taylor caught me doing that, he'd kill me himself.”

“Yeah, well death is nothing compared to what I have in store for you.”

“Wow, mom calm down! I won't. I promise.”

Her mom nodded on the other end of the phone. “You make good on that promise, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Hayley said.

“Okay, I gotta go now baby, but be safe. Please.”

“Ok, I will mom. Bye!”

“Bye, baby,” her mom said before Hayley heard the 3 beeps signaling her call had ended.

Hayley flopped back on her bunk filled with some feeling she hadn't felt any of in a long time. Love.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm currently listening to Let the Flames Begin by Paramore and I am getting all up in my feels. Song 'And the Snakes Start to Sing' is off of the album Sempiternal by Bring Me The Horizon. Very quality band, however I do not own the song or any of the band members. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
